To be a Sister
by AriMarvelUniverse
Summary: ANCIENT one shot that's been sitting in my drive forever. Karai contemplates what it means to be a big sister. Karai and OC.


It wasn't the biting cold that woke her up, because she couldn't feel it, nor was it the needle sharp hunger pangs rolling though her belly, though she could feel those. It wasn't her tight, itchy skin, or the creepily shifting shadows in the corners of her room. All of that she was used to. The slightly dozing five year old was awoken, strangely enough, by the sudden warmth trickling down her legs.

Two big black button eyes pulled themselves apart slowly, sore and red rimmed from tears long since dry. The eyes were set in a tiny, too-white face, framed by a thick, shoulder length copse of feathery black hair and ringed with long, crusty eyelashes. A little girl, all alone in her large, dark, cold room, sat up in her bed and hunched her shoulders over, too tired to yawn or shake anymore. She raised her bony wrists to her chin and tucked her fists under it, thin lips twisted into a heartbreaking pout. She simply sat there, glaring pitifully into nothing, and sagging like a wet paper bag. Her skin glowed pale in the surrounding dimness like a nightlight, marred only by the thick, inky black markings smattered across her twiglike limbs.

Still frowning in dreary confusion, the girl's thoughts rolled and bounced through her skull like marbles. Why was she awake? Not that she wasn't used to being woken up, because she was. But she didn't see what was wrong this time. Her head was quiet for once- no burning, bubbling voices or pictures making her brain hurt like in the daytime. She was hungry. But she wasn't hugry, either, because she was always hungry, and that was normal too. She sat, swaying slightly, for a few minutes, trying to figure out the problem, and having no luck. Blinking slowly like a tired cat, the girl moved her fingers disorientedly over the sparse covers of her floor mat, trailing them over the fabric and searching for the tell-tale bump underneath.

Her dim eyes didn't move or shift as she pulled a soft grey mass from under the sheet, a large pile of unidentified stuffing and stitches as large as her skull. She had nicknamed it 'Gurē no mono', or "Grey-Thing", because she had no other name for it. It was a grey thing that had once maybe been some kind of animal, but now was so ragged, chewed, torn, and bloodstained it was unrecognizable. There was a piece here that almost looked lik an arm, and a part there that could have been an eye, and a small protrusion on the top that was most likely an ear. Grey-Thing had drunken many tears and stiffled countless sobs.

On instinct, the small girl latched her mouth onto the ear and sucked on it slowly, tasting and ignoring dried blood and immediately relaxing her stance. She shifted her legs and pulled them up to her chest, resting her head against her knees and closing her eyes. Eventually, she noticed that something smelled funny- it was sharp and nasty, and tickled her throat. Her skin was burning and prickling, but only her legs. She raised her head from Grey-Thing and looked down at herself, seeming to notice for the first time the squishy puddle surroundng her and the wet hem of her white sleeping gown. The reason she'd woken up...

The girl didn't move, just sat and chewed on the ear of her Thing, processing her options through a slow and childish mind. She didn't know what to do, or whether she should do anything at all. She might get in trouble if she didn't say anything, but her legs and the area in between were stinging and it hurt and...and it wasn't going to let her sleep. And she wanted to sleep. She needed...wanted...help. The longer she sat there, alone and itchy and distraught, her fear and despair grew until it was engulfing her mind, causing her to nearly rip Grey-Thing's ear clean away. The place where she lived was large and scary...She couldn't go to Father. She just...couldn't. Her Mama was gone, and she didn't have a nursemaid anymore, and if she did, she wouldn't know where she would be.

She had liked her last nursemaid, Mama _de-wa-nai._ The woman had been nice enough, despite her bad habit of shaking her until her eyes rattled. She sometimes snuck her food from the dinners that she was never allowed to go to. But one day, she had tried to take Grey-Thing away from her. The girl had thrown a fit, and Mama_ de-wa-nai_ had slapped her and called her a weakling. The girl was used to being hit, but it had only served to make her angrier. And before she had known it, the little three year old had broken Mama de-wa-nai's neck. That was how they had found her- clinging to her beloved Thing, suckling it's ear with abandon and staring innocently down at the plump, swelling corpse with a puddle of drool trickling from between her indigo lips, oval face twisted roughly to the side, surrounded with the melting remains of an enormous chunk of bloodied black ice.

The girl knew that there was one other person that she might have been able to go to...but it was dangerous and plainly frightening. Common sense told her not to do it, but sleepiness and childish despair drove the thoughts from her mind, as she was barely older than a toddler and exhausted to boot. The need to be comforted and aided won out. The little girl wriggled her lower body free of the sheets and dropped herself silently onto the cold floor below, clutching her Thing to her chest and padding towards the enormously looming door across the room.

She knew it was locked- it was alwas locked, with thick brass bolts on the other side. She had been told it was to keep her safe, but the Dark Voices had told her different. It was to keep everyone else safe...from her. But it hadn't saved Hatori. Hatori, her only friend, the smartest person she knew. Killed. Murdered. That's the word they used- she'd murdered her. Four days ago. Hatori was gone- but she wasn't gone. The girl could still see her face crumple into red dust when she closed her eyes, and still hear her yells in her head at night.

The little girl stared up at the door with huge, bottomless orbs that widened until they seemed to fill her entire face, rocking slowly on the tips of her toes. A faint whisper flitted through her mind, causing her tattoos to jump and twitch. Her pupils expanded outwards until here was no white left, just simmering holes of black. One tiny hand raised and pressed against the unforgiving stone. Her back bent double as if she were bearing a great weight, and her markings split at the seams, painting her skin with trickles of black ooze that stained her gown. The girl squeaked and whimpered, straining against an invisible barrier in her mind, glaring at the door with sightless eyes until a thin misting of grey frost began forming on the locks, shining and fragile. The whispers in her head flared painfully, causing a gout of blood to spurt out of her nose at the exact time that the locks shattered, falling to the floor with a sound like metal rain.

The blackness in her eyes leaked out onto her face, hitting the floor with heavy patters as the door swung open without being touched, pushed by the invisible shadows swirling around her head. The little girl stared into the vacant hallway, shivering delicately, afraid and confused but determined to carry out her plan to leave the room she had been confined to for three days. She couldn't go back to her bed now- her skin burned even worse, her head hurt, her skin hurt... In her mind, she had every right to leave. She needed to. Wanted to. She couldn't stay here anymore. Wouldn't.

Sister would understand. Sister would...

Holding Grey-Thing like a shield, the girl began moving slowly down the corridor, rounding corners and hearing her own steps echo around her. Her tattoos were still oozing, mixing with the wetness on her legs and leaving tiny, bloody footprints behind her. She didn't run- she barely walked. The hall was unlit, so it was easy for her to see the glow of a single candlelight seeping from under the door at the end of her journey. It was just like her own- large, made of stone, and solid, but it lacked the thick locks that had adorned hers since she was two. No other door had that. The little girl blinked once and hesitated outside of the door, then made her decision and nudged it open at a snail's pace.

The inside of the room was barren and cold, warmed by one dimly flickering candle stub in a wax covered holder on a small writing desk in the corner. An empty sword rack sat on the lonely wall, hovering above the only decoration in the space- a large, handpainted Foot Clan symbol, surrounded by a semi-circle of Japanese characters. Seated on the floor mat in the middle of the room was a slim, hooded figure, legs crossed tightly in lotus position and head bowed. A gleaming katana was balanced on the figures lap, held almost lovingly. When the door swung open, the figure stiffened, but didn't raise it's head.

The little girl made no move either, only stared blankly and continued to suck on her Grey-Thing. Eventually, the figure spoke, in a low, female pitch just barely breaking out of childish tones. "How did you get out, Kiyono?" The girl remained silent, but her lips tightened around the ear and a note of fear lit her eyes.

"I asked you a question. Answer it."

"They broke it."

"The locks."

"Hai."

The figure raised it's head finally, reavealing a pale, thin face surrounded by a neat black pixie cut. The eyes were easily as dark as the little girls, deep and unfeeling and currenly staring at the child with disdain and disgust. "You know you're not supposed to leave. You are being punished for murder." She said bluntly.

"I...I-got wet..."

"And?"

The little girl flinched and removed her mouth from her toy, hunching her shoulders and raising one hand to her disheveled hair to pull and yank on it. "Kah-Ra-ee...it burns a-and I...don't want..."

Karai remained seated, continuing to observe the slight child as if she'd just said a rude word. "I should take you to Father." At this, the girls head snapped up, and her mouth fell open in horror. "No. NO. _Shite kudasai_. Please, please." She began trembling like a wind-blown leaf, fingers tightening on her unkempt locks.

Her sister barely blinked, glaring at her only sibling as she begged for assistance, tiny and scared and reeking of urine. She shouldn't help her. She had her orders to aliente herself from Kiyono the older she got- as soon as the girl had turned four, she had been forced to distance herself from her. To apply a layer of ice around her heart. They had been too close- far too close. Karai herself was in training to take the mantle of her Clan, and Kiyono was...meant for other things. They had been sisters for too long. Kiyono was a murderer- three people were dead by her hand alone.

And yet she was weak, because Karai was making her weak. She needed to be strong and self dependant. She needed to be used to being alone-

Kiyono didn't make another sound, but the longer her sister continued to stare at her, the little girls eyes filled and overflowed with clear tears, washing the blood from her face in rosy pink streams. She didn't know why her sister had stopped loving her, but it hurt worse than everything. Worse than the Bonds, worse than her nightmares, worse than her doctor visits. She wanted her sister to take care of her again. "Sh-shi-te ku-d...dasai."

Karai's gaze softened infintessimally. She was too pathetic. The stone around her heart warmed and cracked, and she sighed. "Once more." she whispered, rising swiftly and placing her sword on her floor mat. "Once more." She moved across the room and grabbed one of Kiyono's palms, pulling her roughly into the hallway and to the bathing area. Her pace was fast and unforgiving, and she refrained from looking or touching the child more than she had to. She was making a mistake...she was making her weak.

_'I'm only cleaning her up. Nothing more. This means nothing.'_

She yanked her through the threshold of the bathing area and stood her in the center of the floor, whirling away from her to the water spouts. She snatched a rag off the wall and balled it up tightly, wetting it with icy water. "Undress, quickly, so this can be done." she growled, staring at the floor resolutely. Kiyono peeled the sopping gown off her limbs and pulled it over her head. Unclothed, her skinniness was painfully apparent- every one of her ribs could be seen through her skin, and her wrists and ankles were sharp and prominent. Her large, intricate markings swallowed her form. Her spine ran down her back like a washboard.

"Put down that disgusting toy."

Kiyoni turned and tucked Grey-Thing lovingly into her discarded gown, before being attacked by a cold rag that she couldn't feel. Karai moved methodically, treating her more like a old doll than a small, fragile child. "Stop coming to me whenever you feel needy. I can not...I will not help you anymore. You have to learn to take care of yourself." She muttered. Kiyono said nothing, only stared at the top of her head as the burning was finally eliminated.

"Turn." She complied happily, ignoring the brutal treatment and the vicious words. She sang a song in her head as she was cleaned. Karai rinsed the rag out and picked up the gown without pausing to notice the ragged animal wrapped in it, opening the chute to the incenerator. Kiyono let out a screech and grabbed for the toy, thin arms pulling at her sister's elbow. Karai's face blanched with fear as the sound echoed around the room. "Shut up! Right now, before I destroy it at this very moment! We're not supposed to be here! If I get caught doing this..." she snarled, removing the thing and throwing into the little girls face. Kiyono fell silent again.

The older girl pulled her up roughly by her armpits and carried her quickly back to her room, setting the naked child on her feet and ripping open the drawer. Removing a new gown, this time a black one, she forced her head through the opening and pushed her back down onto the floor. "Go to sleep, and don't move again." she threatned, face stony and impassive.

Kiyono nodded somberly, but as she turned to leave, grabbed for her fingers and held them in her cold grip. Karai growled and wrenched it away, but the little girl held firm. She pressed her wet face to her hand and held it still, closing her eyes and nuzzling her skin. Karai froze, fighting an intense battle that lasted for eons and minutes at the same time.

Slowly, she removed her hand and stroked the girls cheek, almost against her will, and was rewarded with a small flash of tiny white teeth. "Go to sleep, now." she whispered, barely audible, removing her hand gently and leaving without another word.

It wasn't all bad, she supposed. The girl was only five. There was plenty of time to be weaned from her dependancy on other people. But for now...that wasn't what she needed. She could be a sister for a few more years.


End file.
